Made All the Difference, My Ass Two roads diverged in a wood, and I— I took the one less traveled by, And that has made all the difference. We all know the Robert Frost poem, so much so that I didn’t even feel particularly compelled to cite the author or the title above. You don’t […]
A TOUGH PILL TO SWALLOW
A Tough Pill to Swallow This may or may not be a shock to many of you, but one of my best friends is a drug dealer. No, he does not have a meth lab or marijuana grow room down in his basement, at least not that I know of. No, he does not sit […]
I Am Not A Role Model
I Am Not A Role Model Believe it or not, it was 1993 when Charles Barkley uttered those infamous words, “I am not a role model. Just because I dunk a basketball doesn’t mean I should raise your kids.” Ironically, this defining quote was part of his Nike commercial, an ad selling shoes to young […]
Hover boards Don’t Hover, Dumbass!!!
Hover boards Don’t Hover, Dumbass!!! Can someone please tell me what the hell is going on with everyone riding hoverboards? Actually, don’t tell me- I already know the answer and I’m definitely not digging it. Hoverboards signal the precipitous decline of our culture into the abyss of complacent laziness. And no, I’m not joking. […]
Confessions of a High School Grammar Nerd
Confessions of a High School Grammar Nerd Some of you may find this difficult to believe, but I am secretly a grammar nerd. What did you say? That me being a grammar nerd is a worse-kept secret than Freddie Mercury being […]
If you Vote for Him, He will Come….
If you Vote for Him, He Will Come… So earlier this morning, I was having breakfast and talking politics with my girlfriend’s mom, let’s call her “K”. That’s hardly secret service identity protection. Her name is Kay. An ardent Hilary supporter, I tried to convince her why Bernie Sanders deserved her vote. Now mind you, […]
Corporate America Still Sucks (On the Government Teat)
Corporate America Still Sucks (On the Government Teat) What would you do for $7.25? Would you mop the floors of my house? Clean and dry the dishes after dinner? Pick naval lint from Ben Carson’s belly button? Yeah, me neither. I wouldn’t do any of those things for just $7.25, but that’s because you and […]
What the Trump?
What the Trump? Am I seriously going to do this? Really? Am I actually going to pen a column about Donald Trump and give that self-involved blowhard more of the publicity he craves like an Albuquerque meth head hoarding cough syrup and lighter fluid (I apologize in advance for not knowing much about meth and […]
My Love/Hate with Boulder, Colorado
My Love/Hate with Boulder, Colorado Before I begin, let me apologize to two groups of people. First, to my many good friends who are residents of Boulder. I apologize in advance for taking pot shots at your quaint and happy little hippy enclave, one of the last remaining bastions of liberalism amid a current of […]
Shut the Hell Up: An English Teacher’s Guide to Overused Words
Shut the Hell Up: An English Teacher’s Guide to Overused Words This confession should come as no surprise to anyone: I have a tendency to use too many words. When I was in graduate school earning my M.A. in English, my Swiss-born professor of literary theory remarked […]