Hover boards Don’t Hover, Dumbass!!! Can someone please tell me what the hell is going on with everyone riding hoverboards? Actually, don’t tell me- I already know the answer and I’m definitely not digging it. Hoverboards signal the precipitous decline of our culture into the abyss of complacent laziness. And no, I’m not joking. […]
The Tragic Fall of Kanye West
The Tragic Fall of Kanye West When Kanye West declares in one of his song lyrics, “I am a god”, what kind of God do you think he is suggesting he is? Is he, like, THE God, as in the monotheistic be-all, end-all Judeo-Christian sort of God, or does he posit himself as something […]
Confessions of a High School Grammar Nerd
Confessions of a High School Grammar Nerd Some of you may find this difficult to believe, but I am secretly a grammar nerd. What did you say? That me being a grammar nerd is a worse-kept secret than Freddie Mercury being […]
The New Bully on the Block
The New Bully on the Block Have you ever wanted to smack a kid? You know, maybe just give them a good backhand while no was watching. Well, if you have ever been a parent, you know exactly what I’m talking about. Because if you have been a parent, at some point, someone else’s child, […]
If you Vote for Him, He will Come….
If you Vote for Him, He Will Come… So earlier this morning, I was having breakfast and talking politics with my girlfriend’s mom, let’s call her “K”. That’s hardly secret service identity protection. Her name is Kay. An ardent Hilary supporter, I tried to convince her why Bernie Sanders deserved her vote. Now mind you, […]
I’m a Fucking Hypocrite!!!!
I’m A Fucking Hypocrite!!! First of all, to all of you who wrote in to express your disappointment and frustration with my failure to pen a Tuesday TRUTH: In 1000 Words or Less, I am sorry. I am sorry and go fuck yourself. I was sick for crying out loud. In fact, I had the […]
Corporate America Still Sucks (On the Government Teat)
Corporate America Still Sucks (On the Government Teat) What would you do for $7.25? Would you mop the floors of my house? Clean and dry the dishes after dinner? Pick naval lint from Ben Carson’s belly button? Yeah, me neither. I wouldn’t do any of those things for just $7.25, but that’s because you and […]
Does Hating Cam Newton Make Me a Racist?
Does Hating Cam Newton Make Me a Racist? I swear I’m not a racist. Ok, I know that sounds racist as hell, but seriously, I swear I’m not. I know claiming you aren’t a racist is usually as telling as the guy who claims that he couldn’t possibly be racist because of his one black friend, […]
What the Trump?
What the Trump? Am I seriously going to do this? Really? Am I actually going to pen a column about Donald Trump and give that self-involved blowhard more of the publicity he craves like an Albuquerque meth head hoarding cough syrup and lighter fluid (I apologize in advance for not knowing much about meth and […]
Who Were the Best SNL Cast Members???
Who were the Best SNL Cast Members? You know what people like? Lists. Whether for remembering what to buy at the grocery store or reading Consumer Reports for a compilation of the best vacuum cleaners under $100 for 2016, we love lists. And if I […]