I Hate You, Mark Zuckerberg Let me tell you why I hate Mark Zuckerberg. It’s nothing personal, I assure you. He did nothing to cheat me out of millions of dollars by stealing my business or ideas out from underneath me. In fact, I’m not really sure he ever did those things. But he is […]
How IKEA Sucked My Soul This story all begins with a table. Well, a table and chairs, really. You see, I’m set to move in a few weeks, and I recently found myself in need of a breakfast nook table and four matching chairs. Normally, I could give two pimples on a rat’s behind as […]
Standing With Standing Rock Well, call me a skeptic. I’ll be the first one to admit that I didn’t think the Standing Rock protestors had a snowball’s chance in Hades of getting that pipeline blocked. Don’t get me wrong- I was all for their protest- I just didn’t think it would work. When the Army […]
I apologize in advance if I am not exactly humorous today. Sometimes you’re just not in the mood. There are plenty of times I write for the amusement of others. Sometimes I write just for myself. I get to have one of those every once in a while. Stephen Adly Guirgis once famously proclaimed that, […]
What I am Even More Thankful For Last year right around this time, I penned a column entitled, “What I Am Thankful For”. Eschewing the typical prattle of self-involved lists of people and interests that everyone wants to write but no one wants to listen to, last year’s edition was a farcical send-up of the […]
Some days I wake up and wish I could just crawl back under the covers and sleep away the stupidity I see all around me. I really should watch less of the “news” on television. I, for one, will be glad to stop watching all of the coverage of this carnival sideshow parading itself around […]
Alright, I promise this will be the last piece I write on this preposterous election, that carnival sideshow that feels like it came straight out of some sort of 20th-century absurdist drama. And no, I’m not going to pout like a whiny little brat because we lost or pull some “Not My President” nonsense because […]
The 21st-Century P.T. Barnum You have no idea how painful it is for me to have to admit this, but I underestimated Donald Trump. I underestimated him and the blind rage he was able to tap into on his way to an unforeseen victory in the 2016 presidential election. I failed to acknowledge Trump’s uncanny […]
Sequels are Stupid….Part II In case any of you were wondering, I write this column for a reason. Beyond just amusing myself with witty banter and inane observations, I use TRUTH: In 1000 Words or Less to draw people to my website, www.waitingfortoday.com, in hopes that they will peruse excerpts from my best-selling debut novel, […]
A Piano and a Goat Walk Into a Bar Say it ain’t so, Joe! The Chicago Cubs are finally back in the World Series. Well, that didn’t take long now, did it? Only 71 pain-staking, gut-wrenching years of devoted fandom. But hey, what’s a few decades when we’re talking about one of the most beloved […]
